You Are A Product Of The Past, But Don’t Be A Prisoner Of It.
Everything we resist has power over us. And everything we accept liberates us.
Don’t fight with frustration and pain
We often look for answers to our questions from the outside: in books and podcasts, at trainings and seminars, from mentors and spiritual teachers. But it does not always help to understand your aspirations, and sooner or later you need to look inside yourself.
At the same time, disappointments and painful memories will inevitably surface. You will want to run away from them, but you need to look them in the face. And then you will notice such a paradox: the more you struggle with pain, the more you give it strength. And when you finally let go of this struggle, it becomes easier.
It’s quite difficult. The need to give up contradicts everything we are constantly taught: to strive, to push, to endure, to win. But when we give up, we find peace and find inspiration. And this is not the same as accepting and falling into apathy.
When you let go of the desperate desire to change the situation, you finally become free.
And it is possible to live a meaningful life only in this state of freedom and self-expression without excuses. Understand that frustration and pain are a natural part of life. Don’t be afraid of them. Yes, you may have your heart broken, you may be fired from your job, your creative project may fail.
But what you learn in the process will help you grow up and become a different person. The only way to avoid disappointment is never to take risks. But it will be a very limited life.
Find something good in the past
Usually when we recall unpleasant impressions from the past — for example, a relationship that did not work out, or a lost job, we concentrate on the bad and do not notice the good. We carry this negativity with us, and the future becomes like the past. But if you admit what happened and learn from it, his power over you will dissipate.
So, in self-help books, they advise you to write something good about every person who left you. And this advice can be applied to any painful circumstances. Write down what good you have learned from the situation, what you have learned, what you have learned about yourself. And you will see that, despite the pain caused, others present us with amazing gifts.
Without those gym owners who turned me down once, I wouldn’t have my own business today. One girl I dated taught me how to cook, another taught me how to dress better. Yes, it didn’t work out for us. But this does not mean that there was nothing good. The other one taught me how to use a computer.
When we accept a difficult situation or let go of the feeling of resentment against the person who caused us pain, negative impressions lose their power over us and our future.
Help yourself to rebuild
By letting go of the past, you create space for a new future. And clinging to the old negative, you are likely to repeat the same mistakes. I understand that all this is more difficult in practice than in words. Especially when you have just recovered from the pain or are still trying to survive the storm in your own life. Therefore, I will give some tips that help me:
- Learn to be grateful. This will not solve all the problems, but it will help to change the mood. You will notice the good things in life that you usually take for granted.
- Change the environment. It has a very strong effect on feelings and behaviour. It is not necessary to burn everything related to the past (although sometimes you want to). Let your environment personify everything that you want to become, and not what you were before.
- Talk to a therapist. I think it needs to be done at least once in my life. A psychotherapist is a coach, only not for the body, but for the mind. It will help you notice recurring patterns in life. And he is also objective, you can tell him everything, knowing that he will not judge.
- Take care of yourself. Treat yourself to something pleasant to close one chapter of life and start another. And regularly take care of your mental balance. For example, go in for sports, travel, start new hobbies.
Imagine what opportunities may open up to you
Each event has three scenarios:
- The one we assumed.
- The one that is now.
- The one that can be.
When reality does not coincide with assumptions, we get upset. We close ourselves to all other possibilities and try to fulfill unfulfilled expectations. However, in such a situation, it is necessary to accept the third scenario — uncertainty. We usually associate it with fear, anxiety, and our worst fears. And we do not notice the amazing thing that can also happen.
Most often, understanding comes only when we look back.
I remember how it seemed to me that I was in a terrible position from the point of view of my career: I started a business in the midst of the global economic crisis, did not get enough clients for 2 years. But that’s what pushed me to start what later formed the basis of my channel on YouTube called Men of Honour and my blogs.
Thanks to these events, I was spared from the job where you need to do about what you don’t care about. Of course, at first such turns are frustrating and frightening. But try to look at them as opportunities, not as losses.